Jenna Meets Princess John

I saw a kid wearing my pants Saturday afternoon. He was walking shirtless and barefoot down the highway toward Manti. I had wondered what became of them the night before. I knew I shed them somewhere in the living room, but that usually happens at the beginning of the routine. That's why I always carry a spare outfit in the trunk of my car. Too bad, I really liked those jeans. They had always fit me just right. The poor fool was clearly hung over from the night before. It had been a pretty wild party. That's why I left early. Just enough liquor and it makes the night go fast, but too much and the viewers become more agressive than what I like to deal with; especially when they are already full of testosterone and most likely steriods. I figured he wouldn't recognize me from the party so I pulled over to ask if he needed a ride.
"Where you headed?" He squinted at my face. The light was clearly penetrating his skull causing massive explosions behind his pin-point pupils. His hair was disheveled, and a sprinkling of whiskers lightly shadowed his jawline.
"I'm trying to get back to Ephraim," he finally mumbled. The first three times he spoke it was so faint I could hardly hear. I wasn't sure if he was completely sober yet.
"Well you are taking the long way there," I jerked my thumb in the opposite direction. "Ephraim is that way." He stood there biting the skin on his upper lip, curling and uncurling his fists. He cocked his head to one side then the other.
"You wouldn't happen to have any water and some Ibuprofen, would you?" I didn't mean to make fun of his plight. But the idiot had brought the pain upon himself. My laugh caused him to physically reel, as though I had hit him squarely in the chin with a right hook.
"I'll do you one better, if you promise not to puke in my car I'll give you a ride," I offered, unlocking the passenger door. He was clearly still inebriated enough that if he tried anything I could easily subdue him. Actually, I had learned to subdue just about anyone. When a girl does what I do to make ends meet, guys tend to think they can take things further than the girl says they can. He stood there, his eyes glittering little slits in the brutal sunlight. Despite his unkempt appearance a flash of recognition lit up my mind. I had seen this kid with an entire fifth of Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum last night, and he wasn't sharing. I hadn't been there fifteen minutes before that bottle was more than half empty. He didn't even bother with a glass, just gulped it straight from the squatty neck. I was surprised he still had a pulse. I offered again, "You promise not to puke?" He nodded sloppily.

Somehow John managed to get himself into my car. He reeked of vomit. I had to do his seatbelt up for him which nearly caused me to pass out. For all the silence of our conversation until that point, he made up for on the ride into town in spite of all four windows being rolled down. He was what the girls and I call "talkie drunk" where the drunk just goes on and on to no end. I'm pretty sure I knew most of John's depressing life story by the time I dropped him off at Anderson Hall. Before he got out he became really quiet, concentrating on something. Finally, when I thought he had dozed off, he began speaking.
"Thanks for the ride. I probably would've ended up in some ditch," he unbuckled the seatbelt and opened the door. He put his feet out and pulled himself into an unbalanced standing position.
"Anytime Princess," I lilted to his back. Too bad his butt looked better in my jeans than mine did. I thought I heard a chuckle as he closed the door.

Monday I was running an errand for Beckie across campus when I noticed John sitting on one of the benches around the fountain. "Hey Princess," I said loudly enough for him to hear. His head jerked up to see who was speaking. A fleeting expression of confusion danced through his eyes before it was replaced with humiliating recognition. "Feeling any better?" I stopped a few feet in front of him.
"Yeah. Hey, I never got your name the other day."
"I'm Jenna," I offered my hand.
"John."
"I know. I know lots of things about you Princess. See you around." I began walking away.
"Hey Jenna!" he called after me. I turned to see what he wanted. "Thanks again for the ride." I tossed a smile over my shoulder as I made my way down the weather worn sidewalk to the Noyes Building.